It was, relatively
speaking, a pretty peaceful afternoon in the Authoress Realm. This means, or course, Wufei had chosen
*not* to continue his ranting (this decision had come to him somewhere along
the lines of the “PMS” threat—he may have believed women were not meant for the
battlefield, but he wouldn’t even wish a PMSing-onna on his worst enemy!).
While the Authoress was off in the Void, looking for something she deemed,
“crucial for the next song,” each of the pilots were occupying themselves with
something. Duo, for example, was trying
to solve a tiny mystery he had come across in the last chapter:
Duo: <eyes still wide in
shock, staring off into space>…his *WIFE*?!?
Wufei had requested
a copy of the Holy Bible from the Authoress to see if the “turn the other
cheek” rule really existed, and was surprised (and somewhat pleased) to
discover just how Male-dominated the Roman Catholic Religion is:
Wufei: <skimming through the
pages> Adam…Noah…Jesus…I should think about converting…<turns the page,
and reads on>
(I’m sorry to all
fellow Christians; I mean, I’m a devoted R.C. and all, but either it’s just me,
or Catholicism is *completely* male-dominated! I swear!)
Trowa, Heero, and
Quatre were continuing their previously mentioned game of “Castle”, minus Duo:
Duo: <eye starting to
twitch> he…his…Wufei…wife? But…married…he…fan
girls…married…I’m supposed to be the cute one!
Trowa/Quatre/Heero: <pretending they don’t
know him>
…I did say
*relatively* speaking, didn’t I?
Anyhow, it was a
good ten minutes before the Authoress returned, large box in hand. At the sight of her, the five pilot’s jaws
dropped. She had obviously changed
clothes in honor of the Christmas holidays: she had on a mid-thigh-length,
long-sleeved, U-necked, red Dress with fuzzy white trimmings and little bells
hanging from the cuffs, a slightly-too-small Santa Hat, and knee-high red
leather boots.
Me: <grining, twirls around
once> So, you like my outfit?
G-pilots: <suddenly seem to have
lost their voices, except for Duo, who’s still twitching>
Me: <still grins> I’ll
take that as a “yes” <reaches into the box> Moving on, I got your
costumes!
G-pilots: <sweatdropping, nervous
look on their faces>…costumes?
Me: Yup; you boys are gonna help
me with *this* song: <holds up one of the “costumes”, then starts counting
softly> 3…2…1…<in unison with Wufei> INJUSTICE!!!
~*~
<Heero, Trowa,
Duo, and Wufei all walk out wearing curly, blonde wigs (think: blonde Shirley
Temple), each Glaring at the Authoress>
Quatre: <sweatdropping> Is
this *completely* necessary?
Me: No, but when is anything I
ever do “completely necessary”? <turns to muses> Chibi-Chibi!
Chibi-Quatre! Start the music!
**Cue Music**
Ladies and
Gentlemen, this is Mambo Number Five…
Me: Oh, for cryin’ out loud,
that’s the wrong music!
Chibi-Quatre: <over intercom> Sorry!
**Cue RIGHT music**
Although
Quatre’s blonde, he’s the brains of the group
(He’s the only
one so far who’s avoided Cathy’s soup)
All but Quatre: <shudder in
remembrance>
He’ll never have
to worry ‘bout going on dates
‘Cause he’s got more
money than even Bill Gates….
Duo: <Quatre> Donald
Trump, eat your heart out!
But he’s a
blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah
A platinum
blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah
Me: You should see all of his
fan girls, there’s more than I can count
Duo: (But that’s not really to
say that it’s such a high amount)
Me: <smacks Duo upside the
head>
A “bishie”
blonde: (Me: B-L-O-N-D!)
He’s such a
Blonde (G-boys: But not as blonde as ~J.C.~!)
Me: Hey! <glares at
G-boys>
He plays the
violin, with Trowa on the flute
(And can even
play Chopin on the piano to boot!)
Me: <attempts to play
“Chopstix” on a toy keyboard>
Quatre: <expertly performs “The
Entertainer” on a grand piano>
Me: <tosses keyboard over
shoulder> showoff!
We know from
experience that he’s very, very wise,
Duo: <rolling his eyes>
Yet every time he kills, he *has* to apologize:
Quatre: (Gomen…)
Wufei: A weakling Blonde, yeah,
yeah, yeah
Trowa: When we ran to outer space,
he helped spare another minute:
Duo: <slings an arm over
Quatre’s shoulde> Tried to detonate his Gundam, with Blondie here still in
it!
*still* Duo: But he failed too ((Others: nyah, nyah, nyah))
Quatre: <turns red> …well, so
did you! ((Others: nyah, nyah,
nyah))
He almost didn’t
make it, but the self-destruct mode missed ‘im
All but
Quatre:
…and, kami, don’t look now; he’s in the ZERO system!
Me: <speaking>
Oh…shoot…what was it? Umm, advice…that was it…Oh, yeah, okay: Duck, Trowa,
Duck!
Quatre: That was uncalled for.
Me: <glomps him> Sa-wy
Qua-chan, but I just *had* to! I swear!
Cause he’s a
blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah:
A skitzo blonde,
yeah, yeah, yeah
Wufei: <shudders> Don’t
bring that damn onna into this…(1)
Lost in his
little world, completely full of innocence--
Heero: …or at least, until he’s
mad and blows up colonies as he vents
Yup, that’s our
blonde (B-L-I-N-D)
Z-system Blonde
(Duo: there goes another colony!)
Me: <fwaps Duo upside the
head>
Quatre: <speaking> I just
wanted to say that being chosen as the very first ZERO pilot/Kinda…well…blows, for
lack of better words/Right now, I’m satisfied with using Sandrock Custom/And
leave the suicidal mind-meddling machine in the hands of…Heero….
Heero: Hn
Yup, he’s a
blonde; hell, yeah, yeah
A stupid blonde;
yeah, yeah, yeah
Heero: and just what is *that*
supposed to mean?
Me: Some think he’s wimpy; but
I say: NOT TRUE!
Duo: All he needs is just a
really good scr—
All but Duo: DUO!!!
Quatre: <blushes furiously>
‘Cause he’s a
blonde: (Me: B-L…I don’t know! ^_^)
Duo/Heero/Trowa/Wufei: They’re both a blonde:
hell, yeah, yeah
Me: Hey, wait a second here…
Duo/Heero/Trowa/Wufei: Completely blonde: yeah,
yeah, yeah
Me: This is mutiny!
Duo/Heero/Trowa/Wufei: LEGALLY BLONDE; yeah, yeah,
yeah!
Me: hmm…I liked that movie…
Others: <sweatdrop>
**music ends**
Duo: can we *please* take off
these stupid wigs now?
Me: <smirking> but you
guys look so CUTE in them!
G-pilots: <sweatdropping>
Me: <sighs> oh, fine…
Heero/Trowa/Duo/Wufei: <immediately take off
the stupid wigs, build a miniature bonfire, and enjoy watching the damn things
burn>
Me: uh…isn’t that kinda
overkill?
Heero: <holds wig in his hand,
staring at it> Omae o korosu <throws it in the fire> Mission
Complete….
Others: 0.o
Me: Oookay…now, if you’ll
excuse me…<gets up; bells on her dress jingle as she moves> I have a few
things to fetch for the next paradox…<goes back into the void>
Quatre/Duo/Wufei: <stare at Heero and
Trowa> Your turn!
Heero/Trowa: <stare at each other,
silently wondering which one of them is next> …
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(1) In some of my other fics, you’ll meet
Miellie-chan (a.k.a. “skitzo”), a fellow [blond] Chibi member who absolutely *luves*
Wufei…and often chases him around if she sees him (hehe…she’s almost as bad
with Wufei as I am with Quatre ^_^ ).
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